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 من مواضيعي |
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PAIN
In the ghetto early in the morning, when it's still raining, dead guns are marching and singing, looking for a way to get some sunshine. Seems even the sun is turning against the children. The red sky doesn't seem friendly, blood drops are falling on ghetto's broken heart. A womans scream can be heard, feels like the earth is dying. Spirit of life was dead.
I held Rozita's hand more tightly. How warm her hand was in that frozen inanimate cage! She was the only one left for me! My mom, Mahsa, Arian, all were gone! I felt like crying.
"I miss my mom" I told Rozita. She looked at me, with those black soothing lovely eyes, those which could control your mind, I felt like my heart pumped again! My body became hot, felt like explosion. After a century of illness and confusion, I felt the happiness. But, that didn't last for more than two seconds. She started crying. My heart stopped, felt numb and frozen again. She sat down, didn't leave her hand, I sat next to her.
" Mahsa, Aryan, your mom, the last time we were all together was yesterday, but feels like a century is gone!" Said Rozita.
She was still bleeding. I wished, with all of me, God! I would give my life if there was any chance her wounds would be treated. But there was no hope for anything. I didn't even know if I had a life to give or not! I tried to stop her crying. She smiled at me, and whispered something which had no sense at that time, couldn't be seen anywhere!
She kissed me, or maybe I kissed her! No! We both kissed each other this time, maybe because it was true, she gave me her last hope, and like the others, left me alone, without saying goodbye! Someone was screaming in my mind.
After a couple of years I stood up,my eyes were dry! Wanted to but couldn't cry anymore! I walked for a while, wishing to find someone! Yea! I knew someone was there! Always following me,I could feel it, I could hear it, but no one could be seen!
Somehow, someone told me go to the left side. I was out of my control! Someone else was moving me. I looked down on the ground, looked at a body which was faced down on the ground. I turned the body so I could see the face,why was I doing it?Why did I choose that body in a million of bodies?! I dont know...
I was shocked, frozen, couldn't move! The ghost which used to follow me was standing next to me. I could see him, I couldn't believe my eyes! He was the one who had been coming to my dreams since the war was started. I thought he was just a dream! He was all real and was staring at me. The same small boy, looks exactly like my childhood. What a face!I could see my worst nightmare,right infront of my eye,I don't like it!
I ran, as fast as I could,but,suddenly stopped. Couldn't run anymore. Same feeling as I saw my self. Something is wrong again!
"R".Oh, I don't want to remember again. I started squeezing my head, wanted to heat somewhere hardly, felt like it's bursting. I remember the first time I saw R in my dream, was the night the war started. He sang a song, the song which me and Rozita danced with :- crawl on me, sink into me, die for me, living dead girl... Rozita woke me up and told me how my body was twisted and how loud I was screaming. I didn't want to remember but I was unable to choose! There was no other choice!
His face, is an exact copy of my face,when I was ten years old,when I was coming home from the pool and was wearing only a brown short,I can never forget,it was the worst day which can ever happen to someone,I came out of my dad's car to run to my mom and tell her all about the amazing day I had,a car crashed him because he tried to save my life.He jumped and pushed me to the other side of the street so I wont get killed by a crazy teenager driving a car. I couldn't blink for hours,I nearly got a heart attack...I can never forget that day.He wears a brown short only,same like mine...(me?)
Ah! I felt down,my head, oh my head was exploding. My eyes were coming out of my face. R looked at me, with those two holes, which are supposed to be eyes, and laughed!
-Get up,Sina, It's just started!
What a voice! It doesn't match with his face! It's more like a demon's scream.
A very short flash back of my life,like a movie was played infornt of me.My whole life was shown to me in afew seconds. (Someone was running in my mind.) It was so painful.
-I can't take it anymore! (I told R) I wanna die if I'm still alive!What can be worse than death?!
He looked at me...SINA!DEATH'S NOT THE END,IT'S A STAIR YOU TAKE TO GO TO THE NEXT STEP OF YOUR LIFE,NO ONE HAS EVER DIED, SINA! THERE ARE THINGS WORSE THAN DYING! YOU ARE DEAD ALREADY!
He closed my eyes...
I opened my eyes, I could see my room's roof.I was asleep in my bed! Oh God! It was all a dream! Heh! (I jumped out of the bed and shouted) IT WAS ALL A STUPID DREAM WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I have to meet Rozita and tell her what I saw.I'm alive!I'M ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
My house's door was open, no wonder!It's usualy open right? Well I don't care anyway!
I ran to her house, her house is about 10 miles from here, but no need for my car, I'm almost there!
-ROZITA!ROZITA! WAIT I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.WAIT!.
I shouted so she would stop till I get to her.But she got into her car,so did I
- Hey you don't know what happened! I was,.... but..... dear why are you going that way?Isn't it going to the cemetery?!
She made no answer
-Hey Rozita why are you wearing a black dress what's happened?!Hello can you hear me?
I think she didn't want to talk to anyone, so I stopped talking to her and just followed her to see what's happened. She stopped in the cememetry and got down.God,something bad has happened.She moved to the left and then towards the end of the place, bent down and put the flower she was holding on the grave and started crying. She was so nervous since I walked nearer to her, so I had to calm her down.Maybe she didn't like my silence. I touched her shoulders and pressed them a bit, she squeezed her head...
-Baby it's ok, you are strong,I'm sure you can handle it.
I tried to kiss her but she screamed frightenedly and moved back. Her shoulders were shivering, she rubbed them nervously. I moved more near to her but she bent on her knees,her face was full of pain,she couldn't even breath.I walked back. She managed to stand properly,she could finally cry.She ran back to her car,was so afraid,didn't know what's happened to her.Neither did I! What was wrong?
I turned around and looked at the grave.....
Beloved son and fiance Sina 1990-2030
R is looking at me...twilight's calling my name.
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